AKU BUDAK NOGORI - BAHAGIAN 2

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An arrange marriage

If I’m serious to pursue the traditional way of life, an arranged marriage is the first step that I need to go through besides making the decision. The first task in arrange marriage is choosing your future wife, there are few process that I need to endure in choosing a wife in an arrange marriage in “:Adat Pepatih”. This is a very tedious process and has to be deal with cautious and sensitivity.

A list of candidate will be given to me that have been recommended by the eldest in the family. The candidate criteria taken into consideration follow the Islamic guidelines i.e.

• Her religion, level of understanding the Islamic teaching.
• Her history of legacy or descendant
• Her wealth
• Her beauty / looks

1. A series of introduction and get to know the family and the candidates will be organize by the eldest.


2. It not just my future bride to be will be interviewed but also the future husband to be will be interviewed by the candidate family.


3. If I decided that I like the candidate, a period of courtship will be determine before an official engagement will be made (usually about 3 to 6 month to get to know each other before decided to be engage to one another).


4. When the time comes, all the traditional wedding ceremony will be handle by the eldest in the family, all the preparation will be taken care of by them. I just need to prepare the money that all.

After all that trouble, I will then marry her and start to plan the future hierarchy of my family.

Make My Fortune.

Having just a good job and a steady income is not enough in a “Adat Pepatih” family. I need to start accumulating wealth as early age as possible, this will not just securing my future but most important the future of my sons and daughters. If I want to pursue the traditional way of life, I need to make sure that my children will get the best education possible and a well maintain future. I also need to plan to retire in style where I have enough wealth to sustain my exisitng lifestyle in my golden years.

I also need the wealth to finance my campaign on the Dato’s Raja position once the position is available. This position is for life, one you have it it’s yours for life, unless the case of death and disability or the post been contested due to incapacity, only then the post will be emptied and challenged.

I do not need to be rich but have enough wealth to live a comfortable life; this will also bring respect from the elderly and the rest of the family and the “Suku”. Anyway if I want to marry well I also need to impress my bride to be and her family, no father in this world want to give up his daughter to a useless bump. Having a sustained and secure life is important. You are no body in “Adat Pepatih” if you don’t have a bit of fortune yourself. There’s a saying among the eldest about the Negeri Sembilan men. “ We are like coconut, if it been thrown to the sea it will be an Island and if in the land it will be a multipurpose tree”. A very wise thought by wise men.

This is one of heritage that borne together to produce type of Negeri Sembilan men that true to the tradition and practice it seriously. The “Adat Pepatih” ways teach us to respect women and protecting them by providing enough wealth for their future security. It not that we give all our wealth to the women, but we know that it will be pass on to the children in the case of death. This is to explain the false misperception that you will be broke if married to a Negeri Sembilan women, where you will give all your wealth to her. Not at all, if you are an outsider, you will be very lucky to marry a Negeri Sembilan women because she will definitely inherit her wealth from her mother and father, you need to remember that in “Adat Pepatih” law, all the mother wealth will only be pass to the daughter, this will ensure her future security and her dowry. (This law supercedes any civil law practice in Negeri sembilan, it’s call undang adat).

If a family does not have a female child, all the mother inheritance will be pass back to her family, i.e. cousin, aunt or any other close female relative to her family. In the case of male children it up to the father to give him something. In my family for example, my father will not leave us anything, my brothers and me has to make our own mark in the world. We were taught to survive in the world and create our own wealth. All the wealth that my father owns will be sold and the proceeds will be given to the granddaughters, in the case of no granddaughters only then the money will be given to the grandson.

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